


Morgana Knows Best

by Ohnonnynonny



Series: Being Productive By Way Of Not Being Productive [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Criminal AU, F/M, Gen, Implied Relationships, Knights - Freeform, M/M, Modern AU, boss bitch morgana, little swearing, round table, this story is mostly just stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6875020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohnonnynonny/pseuds/Ohnonnynonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the knights are criminals and Morgana is their handler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Morgana Knows Best

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to go one way, but ended up going another. I wanted to make them petty criminals, but the story wouldn't progress so I just let my mind go off on its own. Mind you, I had a great title for it that will probably never see the light now. Well, sacrifices must be made.
> 
> As usual, not beta'd in anyway. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> This story is authorized for AO3 only. It is not to be copied or used elsewhere without my explicit written permission.
> 
> I don't own the characters to Merlin(TV) and am not profiting from this work. Enjoy!
> 
> edit 090816 - didn't realize that this little ficlet wasn't added to my bpbwonbp series, so all I've done is add it. No changes!

The double doors to the conference room blasted open as Morgana effortlessly strutted in. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Morgana said, voice cool as steel, holding up a missive between two fingers of her perfectly manicured hand.

“Ah, yes, well, Nimueh is to take over your agents while you’re under review,” said Geoffrey.

“Under. Review. And who decided that?” asked Morgana, eyes finding Nimueh and glaring. 

“The entire board, as you know, it’s in the missive after all,” said Nimueh with a smirk. 

“Oh, I’m not worried, Nimueh. No one can handle my boys except for me. I expect you’ll all be begging me back within the week and I expect a raise for this fucking mess. I’m going on vacation,” said Morgana, whipping out her over sized sunglasses from nowhere and strutting out of the room. 

“I told you this was a bad idea,” sighed Morgause. 

“Shut up, you still owe me for finding your bracelet,” hissed Nimueh. 

“Did you set aside the money for Morgana’s raise?” whispered Uther discreetly to Gaius. 

“I did. As soon as the board was forced to approve this decision. May I ask why we so easily gave in to Nimueh?” asked Gaius. 

“Perhaps this way, she’ll quit on her own,” said Uther before announcing to the board that the meeting was over. 

*

Arthur and his men were sitting around the round table of their division’s conference room when Nimueh strutted in.

“You’re not Morgana, where’s Morgana?” asked a confused Mordred. 

“I am in charge of your division until further notice,” said Nimueh, causing the men to look at one another, communicating through their eyes. 

“Evan is passing out your briefs. I expect all of your missions to be completed within two days.” said Nimueh. 

“What? All of us? You want all of us to get our shit done in two days?” asked a surprised Gwaine. 

“I’m going to whip this division into shape and make it more efficient than how Morgana had it,” said Nimueh with a nod. 

“I’d like to see you try,” snorted Merlin. 

“What was that,  _Emrys_ ?” Nimueh glared. 

“I said, I’d like to see you—”

“What he means to say is please continue with our briefing so we can get along with our work,” interjected Arthur, nudging an elbow into Merlin’s ribs. 

“Everything you need to know is in your files. I shouldn’t have to tell you anything else. Report to the Leodegrance twins for your tools and I’ll see you in two days,” said Nimueh, strutting back out of the room. 

“Should we be worried?” asked Percival. 

“Nah, Morgana is probably going to use this time to go on vacation or something like that,” said Leon. 

“Alright men, this is a bit out of routine, but let’s get to work. We’ve got jobs to do,” said Arthur. 

*

Morgana was lounging at her private island when her phone rang. 

“It hasn’t been half the week yet, and they’re calling me back already?” Morgana said as soon as she picked up.

“Not quite. Give it a couple more hours before you get the formal notice. I just thought you would like to see the footage of all the missions gone wrong,” giggled Gwen. 

“Oh, you do know me oh so well,” said Morgana with a wicked gleam in her eyes. 

“Take out the special laptop I gave you before you left. I had Elyan modify it specifically so it could handle the software we use at base,” said Gwen. 

“The boys better have not thrown their missions just to get me back,” said Morgana. “That’s pathetic and beneath them.”

“You know they wouldn’t do that,” said Gwen, trying not to laugh, “but you also know the lads best and what they need. Nimueh didn’t know shite.”

“Okay. I wish you were here with me though. It’s always better with two,” said Morgana. 

“I know. That’s why we’re here,” said Gwen, coming through the patio doors to where Morgana was lounging.

“Gwen!!” Morgana happily got up to hug her best friend. 

“Elyan and I needed to test out the new improvements we made on the private jet, so we’re here on an ‘official test run,’” Gwen said with air quotes. 

“Clever twins are clever. Now let’s go watch this on my big screen inside,” Morgana said excitedly. 

*

“Can you explain to me the state of the Round Table division?” asked Uther in a quiet rage. 

Nimueh cleared her throat, valiantly trying not to be cowered by the anger directed at her. 

“Care to explain how grossly over budget you are, why one of them broke down in tears nearly ruining a sting, why two of the men ended up in hospital, and another has nothing to show for?!” Uther yelled. 

“Uther, if you please, Nimueh must go through the footage and debrief us of everything that happened anyway, so let’s just get on with this before you resume your yelling,” said a patient Gaius. 

Uther shut his mouth, clearly stopping himself from launching over and strangling Nimueh himself and gave a curt nod. 

“Before I play the footage, I must confess that I don’t know why or where they went wrong. The Round Table are supposed to be known to be the best, and yes, they I suppose they did succeed in their missions, but there’s no reason for them to have—”

“I can help with that,” said Morgana as the double doors blasted open and she strutted over to take a seat next to Morgause. 

“I doubt that,” Nimueh muttered under her breath. 

“Please, I can tell you exactly what went wrong, and that would still only be scratching the surface of my boys,” said Morgana with a challenging face. 

“Just get on with it,” Uther huffed. 

Nimueh nodded and pressed a button. A picture came up on the screen. In the picture was a bunch of useless items. A stack of napkins, some gum, a CD case, and some loose change. “This is the only footage we have of Operation Disir. Objective: steal the triple goddess automobile.”

“And why are we looking at a picture of junk?” asked a confused Geoffrey.

“That is because some idiot,” Morgana drawled, staring at Nimueh, “gave Mordred a picture of a car in his file, and not another scrap of information.”

“It should be straightforward that that means the car is the objective,” sneered Nimueh. 

“To others, yes. To Mordred? He’s an excellent thief, but you need to be rather specific. That’s why he only stole the contents of what was inside the car,” said Morgana, biting her cheek so she wouldn’t break her poker face.

Nimueh just huffed and pressed a button on her laptop to continue with her debrief. 

“This is the footage from Operation Neahtid. Objective: steal the crystal.”

The footage ended with a sobbing Lance being dragged by Gwaine, crashing out of a window.

“Try and explain that,” Nimueh 

“Easy. Lance has been planning to propose to Gwen for years now, but hasn’t found ‘the one ring’ so any time you place him in front of anything close to jewels, he gets distraught at the fact that he still hasn’t found it. Gwaine is quick, but he can’t cut glass. If he didn’t hear Lance crying, he would still be up there sketching a portrait of himself on said glass with the glass cutters. I’d say you were lucky that they weren’t caught,” said Morgana with a shrug. 

Nimueh gaped at Morgana but quickly shut her mouth and shot Morgause a glare when she caught her smirking. 

“This is footage from Operation Gedref. Objective: steal the horned staff.” continued Nimueh.

The footage ended with Percival in what looked to be a full bodied cast and Merlin whimpering on the floor of the hospital room holding on to a long staff with literally a pack of dogs surrounding him. 

“You never team Percival and Merlin up in a two man operation because Percy can never say no to Merlin. Merlin loves animals. As soon as he read that there were guard dogs on the file, he convinced Percival to switch tasks leaving Merlin to take care of the dogs and Percy to get through the laser beams and to the staff. That mission should have been an in and out, never-been-there ghosting, but you ended up with Percy cut up with lasers and Merlin making off with all of their guard dogs,” said Morgana, sucking her lips around a smile. 

“This is the footage from Operation Cup of Life. Objective: steal the artefact. This is the last of their missions,” said Nimueh, jabbing the button on her laptop with unnecessary force.

The footage ended with Arthur crashing into their hospital wing with Leon on his back and a grappling hook/gun in hand

Morgana grimaced before talking. “Arthur and Leon are both exceptional leaders, but when placed together, Arthur has to lead. Leon will by default fall back to whatever Arthur says. Because you gave Leon the lead in this mission, Arthur was too noble to do anything but step back. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two goes to the absolute dumbshite who signed off on giving Arthur a grappling hook. There’s a reason it’s been constantly denied. If his natural instincts to check on his partner didn’t kick in, Arthur would still be swinging from building to building, playing with the grappling hook, and Leon would have been in more danger.”

Morgana had to temper her anger before speaking up again. “The biggest mistake was sending Leon, a tall, muscular man, into the vents with a fucking ski mask on. He has a full head of hair and beard. You’re fucking lucky all Leon had was dehydration, or you wouldn’t be alive right now,” shot Morgana venomously to Nimueh. 

“That’s enough. Nimueh, you obviously have no idea what you’re doing. Your incompetence is staggering. What do you have to say for yourself,” said Uther with an imperious glare. 

Knowing that Nimueh was out of options after so blatantly crossing Morgana, she knew she had but one choice. “I respectfully resign. You’ll have my notice within the hour and my stuff cleared within the end of the day.” 

With that Nimueh was out of the door to the secret not so secret smiles of everyone. 

“I expect a new contract to be drawn up and on my desk by the end of the day,” said Morgana, getting up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit my boys.” 

*

“There’s our ice queen!” cheered Gwaine as soon as Morgana strutted into the room. 

Gwaine was re-bandaging some of Percy’s wounds, while Percy was rolling his eyes. 

“Are you alright?” asked Morgana. 

“I may have made it look a lot worse than it was,” said Percival with a sneaky smile. “How bad did it look?”

“Was the body cast necessary?” asked Morgana with a twitch of her lips. 

“It was for a good cause,” said Percy. 

“And really Lancelot? Waterworks over a crystal? It’s not even a diamond,” said Morgana, rolling her eyes. 

“Turns out I’m allergic to the properties of the crystal,” said Lance with a bashful shrug. 

“Are we in trouble?” asked a concerned Mordred. 

“Nonsense. I’m back and Nimueh quit. I think that’s cause for celebration, don’t you?” smirked Morgana, going to sit next to Leon, shoving another bottle of water at him. 

“Oh, enough of that Morgana, you’ve got him taking a piss every hour on the hour,” huffed Arthur. 

“What’s this I hear about a missing item in inventory? A grappling hook was never returned?” said Morgana with an eyebrow raise. 

“It got destroyed. Collateral damage,” said Arthur with a shifty look. 

“Did it  _ really _ Arth—”

“Morgana, you’re back!!” shouted Merlin, bursting through the door with what looked like ten dogs on his heel. 

“Gods Merlin, what are you going to do with all of them,” Morgana said with a long suffering sigh. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been training them. We each have one for ourselves. I mean I’m like their overall lord commander or whatever, but they each know who they belong to,” said Merlin, as the dogs obediently went to sides of their new owners. 

“That’s kind of sweet,” said Morgana with a wistful smile. 

“Don’t worry Morgana, I got you,” said Merlin with a wink and whistle. 

An all white German Shepard bound through the door to sit at Merlin’s side. 

“Her name is Aithusa, and she’s all yours,” said Merlin with a smile. 

Morgana let out a little gasp and immediately got down to her knees to get acquainted with her new dog. 

“Alright, you lot have the rest of the week off, but I expect you back and ready to go come Monday,” said Morgana, with a stern and commanding voice. 

A chorus of cheers and agreements were made and the rest of the day was lost to the round table and their new pets.  

  
  
  
End.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I had a dog. And a cat. Sigh. Anyway, Rota Fortunae update coming soon!


End file.
